So I started watching 5CM ending again, It’s such a sad movie. The feeling of being in love and longing for someone. It’s like, more like were in Love but at the same time it was physically impossible due to the distant you know?
It’s that nostalgia feeling, it’s like am missing something in my life, I don’t really like the feeling of it, It’s a mixed emotion, a bit of sad and the absence of something.
I just want to say that, I truly was happy to have you as a friend. Although it never worked out, I was happy to know and speak to you. Sometime I feel like am stalking haha! oh well! just seeing how you’re doing.
I was naive, stupid and afraid to approach to you again, I just didn’t know what to do. I did.. but I was stubborn! I was probably hoping that you would reach out to me instead. My confidence was just shattered into pieces when I found out that you quickly moved on already or was I hoping that you would stay depressed, feel guilty and suffer for me. Am sorry, Am truly sorry, Am sorry that I was so stupid and had no understanding at all, I didn’t even realized that you meant that when you told me that we should be friends again.
I today still have no confidence of approaching you again, not that I want to or do I? haha but also because truly it was never meant to be, you’re much happier now and am happy seeing that you’ve already accomplished so much. It’s just that sometime I reminisce about the conversation that we used to have, it was just so random but at the same time full of joy and comedy you know? haha why am I typing as if you’re reading this, you’re probably not or won’t ever find this but just to get off my chest.
What am trying to say is that, Ever since that day, despite us breaking up, You wanted to continue what we had before, friendship. But me being me I decided to delete you which is something I do regret, I never meant it but I was naive and didn’t realize what I’ve done. Ok am side tracking too much I think? but what I truly mean is that, You was or were? (lol) a great friend, it’s probably, I mean definitely one of the reason why I still treasure the memory despite it being at least 3-4 years ago. Am I creep for doing this? haha you tell me.
I know you’ve moved on, we both have. Forgetting the sad and emotional times, the happy times we had together just always wonders around my mind ^^.
Man up. Time to make a change. No more excuses. Focus, Determination, Motivation, Progress, Stay positive.
Who I am now? who knows, I am still trying to find my inner self, what do I want? what do I need? what does my future hold? only god knows. Who am I? what is my path? what do I need to do? questions and questions, no answers but I must be patience, I need to do my dues, I need to question myself more, question myself why am I doing this, is it resourceful? or am I just exaggeration everything in life? only god knows.
I look back at my past, what i’ve done wrong, regrets and mistakes, but those regrets and mistakes makes me who I am today but I still have that feeling of mourning for the past, I truly miss those days, of course there’s things I want to change but what’s the point? I think I’ve gone crazy.
Jesus, Deep in my heart, I truly need you my lord. Although I have found you in my heart and soul but I feel lost, Are you still watching over me? I feel weak, please guide me my lord, I miss you JC.
Sometime, I feel like I’ve gone past the point of return, I know that I should believe myself, believe in the lord, Jesus himself, Have that faith and stay strong. I just want to thank you jesus, god for everything you’ve done for me. I don’t need anything, only you.
My heart, my soul..
Ready. Set. Go
Post with 1 note
I feel awaken. everywhere I go, I see his light and I feel as if am being guided in his directions. I feel much more at peace. I feel different, it’s a feeling I’ve never felt before.
I’ll write more about this later, it’s late! lol
Today, Just me thinking about life. Sounds cliche in a way but I feel really calm when commuting, just thinking about how I’ve become the person I am today, Wondering what if they never happened? Would I still be the same person as I am today? Would I still be with you or would I still have met her or would those dear to me know me?
Thinking about the changes and experiences I went through during the past 5-6 years. I know that what I’ve already been through is what matured me today but what does maturity really mean? What if (Here I go again with the what if’s) I went through a different route and matured in a different way? Would I still be the me I am today? or would I be a completely different person, how would my personality differ?
Sounds complicated in a way but you know what I mean. Am not really typing this out because I hate or regret what I have now or what I have become, Am actually grateful for what happened throughout the years, of course there’s been sad and painful times but those are the times that really helped me become a better person, more understanding and a more patient person maybe? haha
Sometime you know? it feels kind of weird that I still have certain memories inside me that just pops up randomly and throughout the day am just focused thinking about it, would there still be communication, It pains me when I overly think deep about it because I know time has already gone by and that I’ve move on along with time but maybe a small part of me still has that fire for it.
Part of me may still misses it but so much has changed to the point that I’ve lost contacts with many close friends. My life, there’s been so much choices but maybe I’ve picked the wrong ones? Actually.. I don’t think there are any wrong choices, They all come with consequences, Maybe If I had picked this or that choice something else in return may had to be sacrificed?
LOL WTF am I talking about now, so much gibberish.. Well that comes when you’re not really planning what you’re writing about but freestyling it as it comes lol BUT what am saying is that if I had the opportunity to go back in time and changed something I did like be at a different place or Do something different then I would be heading into an unknown route and what I had known in my previous route would all be gone, Is it worth it? I don’t know.
My last paragraph, sounds so stupid but I hope you understand.. That’s if anyone is reading
Photo with 1 note
This view is just lovely! that sounds like something I wouldn’t say but yeah it looks nice lol This picture was in fact taken by my friend Teaz!
Just shows how really nice Greenwich is, I should explore the area more instead of staying at home all the time lol I really feel comfortable at home, maybe a little too comfortable or am I using an excuse to say am not lazy kaka! Maybe it’s a bit of both or am I really lazy? WOO
I’ve probably lived in Greenwich for almost 10 years, it’s a wonderful place, It does get really cold considering it’s next to the Thames and all or maybe because am too Asian and that my mum literally NEVER, Let me repeat NEVER! and no am not exagerrating LOL she literally never turns on the radiator! even when the whole place is cold as hell! wait what? hell meant to be hot!.
I can’t really see myself living in another place, Am really used to Greenwich now. Oh did I say the cutty sark has been rebuilt! YAY! but I’ve never been inside of it despite being here for so long haha! Nandos too! Greenwich has really changed as time goes by. McDonald’s, Subways, Super drugs & the Lloyd bank next it was never there when I first moved to Greenwich so I should be considered Greenwich OG haha!
I really miss some people that used to live in Greenwich, I remember Jermaine, Peter and few others. We all used to hang out but it’s been years since I have seen or spoke to them, I guess we all grow apart as time goes on and I get that feeling, that feeling of being young, having fun and not really you know.. caring about anything else, god my explanation is so bad!
Haha I just remembered something, I remember going school, Sitting at the back of the 286 and then I see you come in, We didn’t know each other at the time but when the time came and that we got to know each other, we spoked about some of our encounters and you was saying how I was screwing you with my eyes at the back of the bus and you was thinking wtf did I do? AHAHAHA that made me laugh. Ahhhh so much memories in Greenwich, How can I leave all this behind? painful memories but also fun memories, I don’t regret anything at all! I live in Greenwich and Greenwich lives inside me! Ok maybe the whole lives inside me is a bit overused!
Oh if you do pass by greenwich, why don’t you let me show you around at a cost of 6 pound an hour? haha just jking!
tumblrbot said: WHERE WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO VISIT ON YOUR PLANET?
Inside a volcano because that’s where the extraterrestrial be camping
My holiday in Vietnam in July 2012
It was my first time ever going Vietnam and before I could say I was truly Vietnamese I had to visit Vietnam the motherland itself! and it’s an experience I can never forget.. why? so much happened, I met so much people but not only that my Vietnamese itself improved and am ashamed of myself for not knowing much Vietnamese.
I met my family there for the first time, My uncle’s, My Auntie’s, My Cousin’s and my beautiful grandma, I really miss them and can’t wait to comeback. Oh and also I met my dad for the first time in 16 years, met his son. It was such an experience! Can’t wait to go back. Oh and yeah I was fat here too haha! if you know which one I am =P
Note to my future self! when you’re next in Vietnam, don’t forget to bring grandma some new futuristic radio haha and be sure to buy yourself some DSLR camera or whatever they’re called for more pictures! Videos too!
Photo with 6 notes
Can she please be my future wife?
Oh and if you’re thinking where’s she from? She’s from a Korean Drama called The Innocent man aka Nice guy. Forgot what it was called for a second lol my memory getting really bad lately..
Blog to my future self or anyone that’s even looking kaka
Note: My real name isn’t Kang Maru, let’s just say it is anyway, my real name isn’t really necessary
So it’s 2:16 AM, Just created this blog to look back in time you could say, so right now as am typing this, am going to be looking back at this post thinking of the moment and time I was in when I typed this haha some sort of inception?
Got a dirty cough, drinking some ginger to prevent any further cough but it’s not working at the moment!
Not feeling really well lately, kind of surprising! I used to think I was some sort of advanced human being with a really strong immune system haha well this cough say otherwise, Look like them supplements I be taking aren’t working! damn you B complex!
Moving on.. I work in Sainsbury, it’s been about 4 or 5 weeks now i’d say, it’s not bad at all and am getting used to it each week. Mandy, Maya & James have been really helpful and without them! I would definitely struggle so much, especially on a Saturday! where I work my longest hours and just happens to be one of the busiest days! At the moment am working part time, still thinking of my future, what should I do? still undecided or should I say unqualified to do anything haha! hopefully you (Kang Maru) find’s something to do that’s enjoyably or at least good pay! and look back at this thinking, I remember when I was typing this, worrying about my future and what am going to do!
Listening to CeCe Frey at the moment singing “Sexy & She knows it” She’s an USA X factor contestant! so much talent! but yeah let’s get back on topic a bit.. wait what topic? Mhmmm I don’t know LOL
Let’s go back in time for a bit when I was around 16-19 when I first started college. Probably one of the best moments of my life, education wise? not really but the fun factor? definitely
Certain guys like DatDudeDzung aka Lady Vermillion HAHA! top trolls and my boy Teaz-!
I mean without them? It wouldn’t be fun you know? they’ve always been there for me and it’s been fun and interesting chilling with them, seeing all kinds of personality! all kinds of movements! but no gains LOL
People used to say I look handsome but honestly I didn’t think so, just that Kang Maru making all kinds of gains! haha but yeah when I was 17, Got a girlfriend for the first time in my 17 years life haha, Am I sad for talking about this? oh wait I skipped a lot haven’t I? Can’t really remember the exact date but I was 17 at the time, we used to speak a lot you know, oh and this was before we came what they call Boyfriend & Girlfriend. We would communicate through this program called MSN Messenger and why am I being so specific? well this is to you Kang Maru! in the future! you could be flying in a flying car right now and the new generation be like what the fuck is a MSN messenger, just for you guys, it’s a program on a goddamn computer that am really addicted too! haha ok back on topic.
We used to speak a lot, I mean it, Like REALLY a lot, it was fun you know, it was actually my first time having so much fun speaking with someone I had a crush on and I do truly miss those days and those conversation that we used to have. I sometime wonder to myself what if I didn’t do it? If I didn’t delete her from MSN and continue to speak to her and forget what had already happened due to my naiveness, would we still be speaking now? would we still be together? haha of course that would change everything so I don’t regret anything and am happy with what I have now.
I mean if I had the chance to say I was truly sorry for how Naive I really was then I would but I guess it’s kind of too late now you know? It’s been like 4 or 5 years now, not only did I lose someone who I truly considered my first love but also a great friend. This relationship I had with her taught me so much you know? (you still reading this future Kang Maru?) Without sounding conceited or cocky I matured and understand that to have a great friend and then a lover, you’d have to stay real to yourself no matter what, you can’t change just because you and her are now in a relationship, That’s what happened to me I changed, We stopped having good conversation because all I was saying in our conversation was such sweet boy or pussy ass shit such as “Oh I Miss you” “I love you” I constantly repeated those words every time we spoked and it was like we wasn’t even having proper conversation any more because I was such a naive idiot. Thinking about it just embarrasses me of how silly I was.
If you’re ever reading this, don’t know if I should say your name or not? I mean heck with it? don’t think you would ever see this anyway, Duckie or should I say Lily? come to think of it, I called you duckie back in those days, I don’t remember calling you lily at all haha I remember when you told me your viet name was Tuyet and I was like huh? how do you pronounce that! haha! those memories coming back! but if you do see this! say hello sometime haha STOP IT KANG MARU! this is getting ridiculous, never thought i’d see that day I would ever write this out, it may seem selfish or stupid to you but I just thought that writing this would be it, but just to say, you know, I hope you’re doing well.
and now that I’ve told Teaz- and Lady Vermillion that am doing a blog, especially Lady Vermillion (Gayass Name) he’s begging for me to link it so he can troll it that bastard LOL
That’s all I can remember for now, It’s 3:28 AM and am still awake? my sleeping pattern, it’s not looking good at all LOL, that’s it for my first post, kind of long but have fun reading it if you’re a really nosey person or am is it me sharing information nobody wants to read? haha! so be it!